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For the Wives of Sports Nuts

April 21, 2012
Sports and Family Magazine

Sports and Family magazine


For the Wives of Sports Nuts


 Emily Osburne


Sports madness has swept through the state… and it’s not just the men. We’ve all been infected lately. Husbands. Wives. Children. Grandparents. Longtime Alabama residents. Transplants. And of course, the media.

 In the past few weeks in Alabama, we have seen


-Tickets for Alabama vs. LSU Football Game selling for $5,000.00

-The State Supreme Court ruling on high school football

-Tailgating in Tuscaloosa starting on Monday morning (for a Saturday evening game)

-Round the clock ESPN coverage of our state

-The headline, “Armageddon in Alabama”

 The showdown between LSU and Alabama has become the only subject worth talking about… when we are not discussing high school play-off hullabaloo. I have found myself forgoing sitcoms to tune into Nick Saban’s closeup with Tom Rinaldi. I’ve called in favors to attempt to get Bama tickets (and I went to Auburn). I have debated the Clay-Chalkville High School controversy with folks at Starbucks, with friends from other states, and of course, with my husband.

 Did I drink the Kool-Aid?

 When did I catch sports fever?

 How did the cynic turn into a believer?

Women, be careful or it could happen to you, too. In your effort to connect with your husband, you might grab a few chips and watch a few downs. It’s the beginning of a slippery slope to Nutville.

Here are seven signs you are leaving life as a sane, rational, loving wife to a crazed, sports-obsessed maniac who sells her Christian Louboutin shoes to purchase autographed paraphernalia on eBay.

 1. You watch Sports Center when your husband is out of the house.

Sure, you might tell yourself that you just like the noise in the background, but we all know the truth. You want to hear Lee Corso’s picks for Saturday, and Chris Fowler’s analysis of the SEC. Turn it off, sister. Just watch another rerun of Friends; it will cause a lot less turmoil.

2. You pause at sports talk radio when scanning through the stations in your car.

It only takes a minute. Just one little curious moment and then, you are hooked. You hear a crazy prediction and then you have to know how the DJ will respond. You become a fan of one show and then you must listen to the next one. You hear one woman call in and you say to yourself, “I can do this.” Take my advice. Just plug in your iPod and listen to oldies. 

 3. You find yourself wearing the exact same outfit, down to the socks, because your team won when you wore them last week.

In addition, you sit in the same recliner, drink the same soft drink, and eat the exact same brand of chips… just in case it makes a difference.

 4. You secretly believe the coaches can hear you calling plays from your recliner.

If you know what I-formation, prevent defense, and blitz mean, it might be too late for you, my friend. When you hear yourself say, “How could you call man-to-man coverage on that receiver?” or “Who calls a running play with sixteen seconds left?” You know too much. You are in too deep. Kiss your Saturdays goodbye. You’ve joined the dark side.

 5.You cancelled your recording of America’s Next Top Model to record the “Roll Tide / War Eagle” Special on ESPN. 

When sports supersede fashion, you should take a step back and evaluate your life, girlfriend. How will you know that wedge heels are out and turquoise necklaces are in if you are wasting time with college rivalries? I am appalled that I even have to write this. It’s simply a case of jumbled priorities.

 6. Your gravest enemies are the Game Day Announcers who did not pick your team to win the next big game.

When you care enough to hate people you have never met, you care too much. When you feel closer to Fox Sports Announcers than you do your own family, you’ve gone too far.

 7. Your Facebook profile picture displays an elephant, eagle, or tiger… rather than a picture of yourself or your family.

This is the final step; it’s the outward celebration of an inward change, and your whole world knows it. When I see profile pics of team mascots, I expect to see status updates about games, scores, and BCS Standings.

Believe me, ladies, it can happen to you. If you or someone you love shows any of the aforementioned signs, take heart. Help is not far away. It can be found at the Summit, the English Village, or downtown Homewood. I have found retail therapy to be the most viable cure for sports nuttiness. If you’ve caught the fever from your husband, plan a girl’s day at the mall and hope for the best.


Emily Osburne is the author of Everyday Experts on Marriage. She is a writer and speaker on relationship issues and has been featured in publications like Focus on the Family, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Love is a Verb, Love is a Flame, and Guideposts. She and her husband, Clay, still laugh through life together after ten years of marriage and their recent adoption of Easton Osburne.


Website: www.emilyosburne.com

E-mail: Emily@emilyosburne.com

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